De-stigmatizing Anger: Why the Healthy Expression of Anger Is Important
Anger often gets a bad rap, probably because of the aggressive ways people tend to express anger. The surge of energy that anger triggers can be used for better or for worse. When handled appropriately, anger can provide helpful information that can motivate us to change our situation for the better.
What are the functions of emotions?
Any emotion, even ones we deem negative or painful, serves a purpose. There are three primary functions of emotions:
To motivate action. Strong emotions can encourage us to take action on a situation.
To communicate to others. Our emotions communicate to others how we’re feeling even when we can’t verbalize that ourselves via our body language and facial expressions. Our emotions can also influence others. Your spouse expressing disappointment about you not putting the dishes away may influence you to take the initiative to put the dishes away next time.
To communicate to ourselves. Emotions are often indicators of unmet needs. While feelings are not always facts (i.e., just because I feel scared doesn’t mean there is something to be scared of), they can help identify ways to change our situation.
What is anger?
Anger can be helpful because it can act as an alarm that something’s not right. One of anger’s primary functions is to protect us from a perceived attack or loss of important people, things, or goals. Anger focuses on self-defense, mastery, and control. It puts us in the driver’s seat and motivates us to take action when we feel vulnerable or slighted. Anger allows you to see yourself as worthy of sticking up for.
You can think of anger like an iceberg. Most of an iceberg’s mass is hidden underwater, with only a tiny fraction visible above ground. Anger is the tip of the iceberg because it is often directed outward onto others. Underneath the anger, there can be many other emotions like sadness, grief, jealousy, etc. These emotions may feel more painful, vulnerable, and hopeless, so anger can motivate us to take action to problem-solve and change our circumstances for the better.
Do you struggle to find healthy ways of expressing your anger? Here are some tips:
1
Notice your anger warning signs.
We experience anger in our bodies and minds, and sometimes it is easier to spot the physiological manifestations of anger. When we are aware of how anger shows up in our bodies, we can identify it sooner and take action to avoid acting through our anger in ways that make the situation worse. Common physiological symptoms of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, and body temperature.
2
Reduce the intensity of your anger without avoiding or suppressing it.
In his book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, author Robert Sapolsky found that repressing the expression of strong emotions appears to exaggerate the intensity of the physiology that goes along with them. For example, if I suppress my anger, I will experience a more intense physiological reaction than if I channel my anger through a healthy outlet. It’s best to reduce the intensity of the emotion rather than suppress it altogether so that you can accurately problem-solve and think logically to improve your situation. Here are some ways to quickly reduce your emotional intensity:
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- Practice deep breathing. Deep breathing involves lengthening the duration of the breath and breathing through your abdomen. For a calming effect, make sure that your exhales are longer than your inhales. You can also use paced breathing techniques like the following:
4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold the breath for 7, and exhale for 8.
Box breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale for 4, hold the breath for 4, exhale for 4, and hold the breath for 4.
4-6-4-6 Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 6, exhale for 4, hold for 6.
Create your own: pace your breath in any way; just try to make the exhales longer than the exhales.
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- Relax the body. Unclench your fists, face your palms up, relax your fingers, relax your chest and stomach, drop your shoulders away from your ears and roll them back slightly to open up through your chest. Unclench your jaw, and relax the muscles of your face.
- Intense physical exercise. Anger prepares the body to attack or defend, and it can be difficult to avoid reflexively acting on that, even if that action may make the situation worse. Channeling that surge of energy in the body through a healthier outlet like exercise can help re-regulate the body to a less emotional state. Research shows that any kind of intense exercise for 20-30 minutes can rapidly affect our mood by reducing rumination and increasing positive affect.
- Use cold water or ice. Place the cold water on your face by putting a bag of ice over your face or splashing your face with cold water. This works because of the diver reflex, a set of reflexes that get activated when there’s facial contact with extremely cold temperatures or by holding our breath. When this happens, our heart rate slows, blood flow to nonessential organs decreases, and blood flow is redirected to the brain and heart. It’s a way to mimic our body’s physiological reaction to drowning, in which our body selectively shuts down parts of the body to conserve energy for survival. It’s a way to quickly calm the nervous system when feeling overwhelmed.
3
Take a break.
Briefly remove yourself from the situation. If you are angry at someone, avoid that person temporarily while you calm yourself down using the tips from step 2. Journal or vent to a third party before addressing the problem. If addressing the situation involves communicating your feelings to someone else, prepare for that conversation first. Imagine understanding the other person’s perspective. Imagine that person having really good reasons for what happened. Use “I statements” to communicate how you feel and what you need from the other person without attacking or criticizing them, making it more likely that they will hear what you’re saying without getting defensive.
4
Change your situation.
Most people think that catharsis (an emotional release like boxing or screaming into a pillow) is the best way to channel your anger, but research shows that catharsis is not all that effective for releasing anger, probably because it doesn’t get to the core of what made you angry. Instead, problem-solving and changing your situation allows you to feel more in control, feel that your needs are being met, and prevent similar situations from happening in the future.
Do you struggle to control your anger? Contact us to get connected with a licensed psychotherapist to help you get at the root of your anger and learn coping skills to help you manage your anger.
*Disclaimer: The content posted on this website is for marketing and educational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, psychotherapy or a replacement for mental health treatment. Please seek the advice of your licensed medical or mental health professional, and do not avoid seeking treatment based on anything read on this website.
