How to Practice Self-Compassion When You're Struggling
We are our own harshest critics. Most of us would never treat another person the way we treat ourselves. We may believe that bullying or belittling ourselves will motivate us to succeed, but research suggests otherwise. Self-compassion does not reduce motivation. Responding to a mistake with self-compassion instead of shame may actually make us more willing to take responsibility, learn from what happened, and try again.
Fortunately, self-compassion is a skill that can be learned at any time and strengthened through consistent practice. In this blog post, we’ll introduce the three components of self-compassion and share a quick exercise you can use whenever you notice negative self-talk or are being hard on yourself.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is the ability to relate to yourself with kindness, care, and warmth. It means treating yourself the way you would treat a close friend or loved one who is struggling. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion, breaks down self-compassion into three distinct components.
The Three Components of Self-Compassion
1
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is bringing awareness to whatever is present for you. It involves becoming an observer of your thoughts and feelings, including negative self-talk and self-judgment, without judging yourself for having them.
2
Common Humanity
Common humanity refers to recognizing your struggles and challenges as part of the human condition. The more we recognize that suffering is part of everyone’s life and that other people experience similar struggles, the more compassionate and resilient we can become. Common humanity also reminds us that we are all imperfect and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
3
Self-Kindness
Self-kindness means treating yourself with warmth, care, and understanding during moments of pain, failure, or adversity instead of responding with harsh self-criticism or judgment.
How to Practice a Self-Compassion Break
Kristin Neff offers a helpful exercise for building self-compassion, which she calls the “self-compassion break.” This exercise involves creating a statement for each of the three components of self-compassion.
You can practice a self-compassion break when you notice self-criticism or self-judgment. You can also practice it regularly to strengthen your ability to respond to yourself with compassion. Start by placing a hand over your heart. Feel this gesture of self-love: the warmth of your hands, the gentle pressure of your hands over your heart space. Take a few deep breaths to relax your body. Now, bring to mind something in your life that leads to self-judgment or negative self-talk. Vividly imagine this situation as if it were happening in real time. Next, move through each of the three components of self-compassion and choose a statement for each one. Repeat each statement silently to yourself one to three times.
1
Mindfulness
-
- This is a moment of suffering.
- This hurts.
- This feels really painful.
- I’m aware that I’m struggling right now.
2
Common Humanity
-
- I am not alone in this.
- Other people feel this way.
- We all struggle sometimes.
- Everyone makes mistakes.
3
Self-Kindness
-
- May I be kind to myself.
- May I forgive myself.
- May I learn to accept myself as I am.
Self-compassion may not come easily at first, but it can be learned like any other skill. With consistent practice, self-compassion may reduce self-criticism and support greater motivation, emotional well-being, and resilience.
If you’re ready to take the next step in your personal growth and healing, individual therapy at Embodied Wellness Center can provide the support and tools you need. Whether you’re seeking to manage anxiety, improve your relationships, or achieve better work-life balance, our holistic, mindfulness-based approach will help you navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and resilience. Contact us today to begin your journey toward a more fulfilling and balanced life.
*Disclaimer: The content posted on this website is for marketing and educational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, psychotherapy or a replacement for mental health treatment. Please seek the advice of your licensed medical or mental health professional, and do not avoid seeking treatment based on anything read on this website.
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