Guilt-Free Rest: How I Beat Perfectionism and Found Peace in Recovery

A few weeks ago, I had COVID, forcing me to cancel all of my sessions and rest. As a recovering perfectionist, rest has historically filled me with guilt and discomfort. I am used to leading a fast-paced lifestyle and keeping myself busy. Years ago, debilitating physical illness was one of the only things that would force me to bring my life to a screeching halt. I didn’t know what to do with myself when those times came. I would feel guilty for letting others down, for falling behind on my work, and for being unable to push through. This discomfort arose because it contrasted sharply with my usual daily routine. But like most things in life, balance is key. If we are used to moving quickly, we must learn to be slow. If we are used to striving, we must learn to surrender.

I had a feeling I was not alone in my struggles, so I took to Instagram to poll my followers. 47% of my followers said they feel guilty for resting when sick and push themselves instead of resting, 13% of followers said they feel guilty for resting but still take the time to rest, 13% said they sometimes feel guilty taking time to rest, and 27% did not feel guilty for taking time to rest when sick. The next day, I asked another follow-up question: What’s the main source of guilt for resting when sick? 50% of followers said they feel bad for letting others down, 25% said they feel guilty because they’re not really “that” sick, 12% said they don’t want to get behind on their work, and 12% said they can’t due to things like lack of paid time off, can’t afford lost wages, etc.

My few days in quarantine allowed me to test myself and see whether or not I could practice what I preach by not only giving myself permission to rest but also relishing that downtime. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself thoroughly enjoying watching cheesy Netflix rom-coms, doing crossword puzzles, and reading my book, and I take that as a huge win.

I want to emphasize that rest extends beyond mere sleep. I once heard that rest is “intentional unproductivity,” which resonated with me. Rest involves taking a break from activities that require effort, allowing the body and mind to recover, recharge, and regain energy.

In a society that instills in us that “rest is for the weak,” this is mind poison for the perfectionist. I believe it is quite the opposite: resting is a radical act of self-love. When we allow for rest, we can ask more of ourselves. The saying is true, “If you don’t pick a day to relax, your body will pick it for you.”